Sunday, February 27, 2011


This one is going to be short and sweet tonight. Well, sort of.

Girls who have a bedazzled phone deserve a good smack. The only time I can think of making an exception to this rule is when you're in sixth grade and you get your first phone. After middle school, retire the hello kitty jewels ladies.

 Another thing that bothers me is people who go to the library to socialize. I may have been guilty of this a time or two when I was younger and on the prowl, but now it is just down right frustrating. As much fun at fitting a regression line is, the chitter chatter of teeny boppers nearby does not help. I don't care who you saw at klondike last night, or what boy you kissed, or how much flavored vodka you drank. Save that for a later date.

"OMG gurl no way!"
And while we're at it, I currently hate my statistics class and the hours spent searching and analyzing data sets. Someone please remind me why I decided to stay in school again?

 The one thing worse than a bedazzled phone is the large girl who thinks it's acceptable to wear leggings that are stretched to the breaking point. There is a fine line when it comes to those who are brave enough to wear leggings. You either have the body for it, or you should stick to the denim section. I am in constant fear of losing my lunch every time I see the nooks and crannies that no one can be fully prepared to come into contact with. Ahhhh! Hide your kids!

Don't get me wrong, girls are not the only ones capable of bothering me. Believe it or not, members of the opposite sex also have some strict guidelines to follow. Number one being: you should NEVER, under any circumstances, wear white sunglasses. No one takes you seriously, trust me.

Aside from white sunglasses, guys who don't like cats are a definite no-go. I don't want to hear this lame excuse of "you are deathly allergic". Suck it up boys. If you wanna be my lover, ya gotta get with my...... cat.
Another deal-breaker are guys with earrings of any sort. There is absolutely no reason why any male should have ANY piercings on his body, much less any guido-like studs. "The ladies" don't swoon over you. We're not giggling because we like you, we're giggling because you actually think that's cool. Silly boys.

Speaking of being "cool", I will diverge from my rant for a brief moment. I met a boy this weekend who had some serious potential. For starters; he didn't have on a pair of white sunglasses, he had no piercings (that I was aware of), and he was surprisingly funny. However, things quickly took a turn for the worse. I began to notice he was unable to use the word 'THE'. He was always getting in DA shower, or in DA car, or going to DA store. This should have been a sign, but I chose to give him a second chance (big surprise there right). The second red flag was when he told me he didn't like my cat. NO ONE dislikes George, and no I do not care that you are deathly allergic, get over yourself and talk to my small child. But the straw that broke the camel's back was the usage of the word "kewl". A word to the wise: "kewl" should be left in middle school, along with your bedazzled phone.

With that being said, I continue with my spiel.

Tyler Perry is in no way funny. Anyone who likes his work should all be sent to South Dakota, because let's be real; no one really lives in South Dakota, and if they do, they are probably the only people on the planet that do in fact like Tyler Perry. Please go ahead and retire already.

Lastly (and I hate to do this, but I have to), if you are over the age of 70, you should really reconsider getting behind the wheel (Floridians in particular). I love grandpeople to no end, but I am a strong proponent of locking them up and throwing away the key. Okay okay, nothing this harsh, but some rules need to be in place to protect the community. I still love ya baby boomers!

Check yourself before you wreck yourself.... literally. And beware of these warning signs. YOU COULD BE NEXT!

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