Monday, January 31, 2011

Nuggets: The Good and The Bad

Okay, so I am annoyed with the world right now. Everyone seems to be pushing all my buttons-- and I didn't even know I had so many! Since I know everyone is DYING to hear all about my day, I won't dilly-dally in getting right down to the point.

It's not just today really, it happened to be yesterday as well. I thought at first it may have had something to do with the loss of a friend from Saturday night. In particular, the friend I am referring to is Snooki. Yes, Nicole and I are officially bff's after our fateful encounter at Club Allure last weekend. Now, in the beginning, no one knew how serious I was in my quest to find this little bundle of joy. However, as the night progressed I became more and more obsessed. Imagine knowing you are so close to a dream and just giving up on it. Fat chance that was going to be the case.

Once I found out Snooks was stomping around in my homeland, all hell broke loose. I proceeded to drag all my friends (it may have been them just chasing me, but the details aren't important here) around town with me. To make a long story short, I got to meet my favorite little nugget and even got to snap some shots with her (once again, the details behind this are unimportant).

The point here is, once I woke up on Sunday I realized that I never exchanged numbers with Snooks (now how am I ever going to get famous). THIS is where everything went downhill. Ever since I was on top of the world, I realize how boring it is back down with all the common-folk. 

Obviously I am only half serious here. I just needed a little leeway to throw in the fact that I accomplished a goal of meeting someone who shares some of the same morals and interests that I do (once again, only half serious here-- sorry Mom!). The real point is that I am irritated to no end today. Why? Well I thought you would never ask...

I live with a roommate who thinks it is acceptable to have her boyfriend here 25/7. How can people even stand to be around each other for that long? It's called SPACE people, and if you don't have it once in a while you will go crazy. I have never understood those girls that drop everything for their boyfriend (especially when he is 4 only feet tall and has to sit on a stack of books when he is driving to see over the steering wheel). Okay, so maybe I am embellishing my stories tonight but you will never understand the severity of the issue unless I do that.

Unmotivated, irresponsible, immature people really bother me. I know some of you are thinking I just described myself but hello that was last week, get over the past! But honestly, this boy has no job, may or may not be in school (no one knows because he may or may not be a pathological liar), and has no motivation to do anything. He will be graduating from a two-year college at the same time I am graduating with a master's degree. Well there buddy, dream big!

I get where maybe I am coming off a little too mean here, but this is a toned down version of what I say to my mother on a regular basis (once again, sorry Mom for bringing it up yet again). Future blogs may include ideas to keep him out of the apartment. The best idea yet is to move the door knob up a few inches so he won't be able to reach it, guaranteed success.

I never thought a little nugget could give me so many problems! Aren't all nuggets supposed to be cute and sweet and bring you joy? My favorite nuggets include: Snooks of course, Chuy and Bryan because they define the word nugget, midgets because they make people smile, and Ryan Seacrest. I never knew there were bad nuggets out there until I met my roommate's boyfriend.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Too Much?

Recently I was told I reminded someone of Phoebe from the television show Friends. I was at a bar in Greensboro with two of my girlfriends when a male approached us and said I reminded him of Phoebe (in more or less words). At first I took this as somewhat of a compliment, seeing as Phoebe is a fairly attractive woman. I find a lot of similarities between myself and Phoebe: I like to think I have developed an earthy look about me (much to my mother's chagrin), I have been told I am a very odd person (which could or couldn't be a bad thing... TBD), and I enjoy making up songs about random things similar to Phoebe (some of my singles include "Tiger Cat", "Reese's Piece's", and "Georgie Boy").

Granted most of these hit songs were compiled while I was under the influence, they nonetheless reminded me of Phoebe and her love for writing off-the-wall songs (in particular, "Smelly Cat"). The more I thought about this man's comment, the more I began to wonder if I came across as 'the weird cat lady' to others. Ask any of my friends and they will tell you, I AM the weird cat lady. I recently found the love of my life in the Watagua Humane Society and the rest is history. So what if I talk about George as if he is a real baby? So what if I buy him more toys than an actual baby may have? So what if I write songs about him and document his every move?

Okay, so I get where this could potentially get out of hand. My phone is filled with hundreds of pictures of George doing gymnastics, sleeping, rolling over, etc. Basically, anything George does is fascinating and has probably never been done before by the average cat. I think my obsession with my new-found friend is so extreme due to the fact that he is my first cat I have ever owned. My entire family is allergic to cats (or so they say), and I have always loved all cats. So at the first chance to have a pet of my very own, it was without question that I would select a cat. George was the perfect little candidate (although he isn't very little now).
George is like my little infant. Although he seems to grow at an exponential rate, he still has that same baby face I fell in love with. Have I also mentioned that George and I share so much in common? For example, we both love naps. Our relationship is based around sleep and I have never gotten along with someone better. We are both independent creatures, we can be mean at times, we love being petted and adored, and we each seem to have nine lives (however, this does not have scientific proof to back it up). Is this a little out of the ordinary to compare myself to my cat? Maybe.

How much is too much? Obviously I would never go on a first date and talk about George's life story and how he can do no wrong (that's second date conversation material anyway). But recently I began to wonder if I will, in fact, turn out to be one of those 'cat ladies' (not that there is anything wrong with that). And more importantly, I began to think that maybe being a cat lady wouldn't be the worst thing in the world.

Yesterday my roommate bought a little pup from the same Humane Society where I found George. In the beginning George was petrified of this new furball running around our apartment. But in the span of 24 hours, George has become less timid and has actually started to play with little pup Joey. Go ahead and add this to the list of things I love about George; he is effortlessly cute swatting at this tiny puppy. George is a fearless cat.

This also reassures me that later in life, if I ever choose to get another pet, George will have no problem adapting to the situation. In essence, I don't think it's possible to talk about George too much. So what if I remind people of Phoebe? She is a funny, cat-loving, weird, hippie-esque woman. And being hippie-like is my new thing right now. So I guess I'll take it.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Maybe Everything Breaks Sometimes

It seems as if the theme of this week is change. I have come to realize I am utterly incapable of dealing with any type of change. This leads me to wonder how people can change at the drop of a hat. How is it that you can spend so much time with someone in one moment in time, and in the blink of an eye that same person isn't the same at all?

This specific question arose out of a relationship that has been over for quite a while now. I have only been in one 'real' relationship in college, and for the entirety of my 23 years to be exact. Sure, I have dated other people and have even thought I was in love a time or two (or three or four); but that's not the point. The point here is, once I truly found the one person that I honestly loved, losing him made me question everything I thought I had figured out.

As our relationship grew, my feelings for him grew exponentially. I can honestly say I would have done anything to make him happy. Just like any other relationship, we had our fair share of fights (yelling at each other in the middle of streets is normal right?), we made our own mistakes (that we may or may not have learned from), and we grew together (or so I thought). Maybe I took for granted the fact that I would never lose him, until the final time it happened.

We had broken up and gotten back together countless times. It happened so much it seemed to be the only thing constant in our relationship. So when our final blow-out took place I was sure this was only another bump in the road. In the end, it was the straw that broke the camel's back; the end of a dysfunctional, yet perfect relationship.

A few months later I tried to tell him how I felt, how sorry I was, etc. I was expecting a warm, welcoming response but... No. The person I thought I knew so well had done a 180 in the span of mere months. No matter how I try to shake this, it still bothers me to this day. How are people able to change so completely?

The only explanation I can come up with is that he simply fell out of love. As hard as that is for me to come to terms with, I know it happens and I am no exception. I have broken plenty of hearts and I am certain there will be more to come. I also have had my own heart broken and I know that it can be a learning experience and not simply a devastating blow.

I whole-heartedly believe that you never really get over your first love. Your first love somewhat ruins it for any future relationships you may have. I couldn't count how many times I found myself comparing potential boyfriends to 'the one'; and to this day no one has ever been good enough. I worry that no one will ever be good enough.

The fact that I still think about this infuriates me to no end. I wish I could move on, I wish I could forget about him, I wish I could hate him, etc. But in doing that, I would lose all the memories and experiences that have come to be so dear to me today. So here lies the catch-22. I guess although some people change it doesn't mean that I should too. And who knows? Maybe I am changing and don't even realize it yet. As I like to believe; only time will tell.

The only constant in life is change... Or is it?

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Growing Up Isn't All It's Cracked Up To Be...

You know when you're a kid and all you can think about are all the possibilities that lie ahead of you when you grow up? They never tell you it's not that easy. There isn't a life planned out for you once you reach a certain age. There are many different paths you can take, the only problem is; how do you make sure you chose the right one?

I have come to a point in my life where I question most everything I do. I think long-term instead of in-the-moment, I like to think I use better judgment these days, and I think about mistakes I have made in the past in an effort to make a better future. But no one told me that life would be such a struggle at times.

I am very grateful for the life I live today, and I am fully aware of others who face far harder decisions than I will ever have to. Is it selfish to be concerned with such trivial things? Or is it commonplace for everyone my age? Over the past four years I have gone through many life changing experiences; some were bad, some were awful, and some were glorious. It is still hard to believe that four years of college have come and gone, and now I am faced with yet another challenge: What now?

I have never been good with change. Change is an utterly scary process. The world of the unknown is a scary place to be when you're still just a little girl deep down. After coming to another divergence in the path of life I did what any other logical college graduate would decide to do; I decided to stay in school. And now, yet again, I find myself questioning whether or not this was the right path.

In the long run, I know staying in school was the right decision for me. But right now, I find myself in some sort of Limbo; the "In Between" where no one seems to fit in or know where they are going. I find myself wandering around aimlessly in this new territory unsure as to which move to make next. Only time will tell...

Follow me in my quest to find myself, and hear some funny stories along the way. This should be interesting...